Unix Consultant

from Infinite Joke List <jokes@infinite.ihub.com>

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:

Customer What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX consul Yes, that's correct.
Customer No, what is it ?
UNIX consul Yes.
Customer So, which is the one ?
UNIX consul No. 'which' is used to find the program.
Customer Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX consul Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo'.
Customer All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX consul Use 'what'.
Customer That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
UNIX consul No. 'true' gives you 0.
Customer Which one ?
UNIX consul 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
Customer Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX consul Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.
Customer I want to find the revision code.
UNIX consul You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.
Customer Which command will do what I need?
UNIX consul No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
Customer I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX consul You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.
Customer Write what?
UNIX consul No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
Customer Cut that out!
UNIX consul Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.
Customer Do you always do this ?
UNIX consul 'du' will give you disk usage.
Customer HELP!
UNIX consul 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
Customer You make me angry.
UNIX consul No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once.
Customer I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX consul No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.
Customer Nice help! I'm confused more now!
UNIX consul Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
Customer This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX consul I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.

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